Quarter Life Crisis

So I have been thinking about growing up alot lately I think maybe its a quarter life crisis. I am 25 and although I think I have been living what society would call a "grown up" life for about 9 years now I wonder sometimes am I really a "grown up".

Lets examine the facts shall we. I moved out at 16 got a little hole in the wall apartment and anounced to my parents that I was "grown". I spent my days going to high school, my evenings going to work, and most of my nights doing homework and housework. I paid my bills, shoveled my sidewalks when it snowed, grocery shopped, and even occasionally doing all those ridiculous household chores I told my mother "I would never do in my house". I thought I had it all figured out my weekends were mine my time to relax and hang out with my friends being "grown up" was great.

Fast forward 9 years I have a house, tons of bills, a stack full of laundry and a sink full of dirty dishes. In the middle of the never ending cycle of house work and laundry I often ask myself is this it am I "grown up" now? I mean I'm older maybe a little wiser but grown? That word I threw at my parents with all the confidence in the world almost 10 years ago haunts me now. I am stuck somewhere in the middle of going through the daily grind and wishing I did not try to grow up so fast.

The friends I once was so close to have drifted away over the years. Some to far away colleges and jobs, others to a family and children, some even to the mystery of death. I think that is what gets me now if I was still spending my weekends with my friends doing things young people do maybe I could feel younger. I am not ready to grow up yet. I joke around and tell people I don't know what I want to be when I grow up but the truth is I don't.

Even if this is it and I am now officially a "grown up" this cant really be all there is to life. I will one day find a career I enjoy, a relationship I am sure of, and a car that starts the first time I turn the key right? At this moment it doesn't look that way to me and that is what scares me most. I always imagined that when I grew up I would marry the man of my dreams have a nice house, a nice car, you know the american dream. My mother tells me that other people feel the same way sometimes that it is a part of life and eventually I will figure these things out. I dont know if I will or not but I will keep trying.

A word of advise to the younger readers of my blog don't be to quick to grow up. Enjoy the things in your life right now because someday they will be gone and only then will you realize how important they were.